“Is It Toxic, or Is It Just a Boundary?”
Cosmic Currents: Astrology for the Week of July 27th- August 02nd
Something about this week’s astrology is giving toxic. Maybe it’s Venus, sliding out of “do it for the plot” Gemini, leaving behind a trail of broken hearts and confusion as it wraps up a season Outside. Or maybe it’s Chiron, the wounded healer, stationing retrograde in Aries and exposing how often folks chase victory or being right instead of fostering genuine connection.
To my great surprise, I’ve (jokingly?) been called toxic or some variation of, more times than I’d like to admit. Am I the drama?! If my sister is reading this, she’s probably somewhere yelling, “YES, bitch!” at her screen right now. But it just doesn’t resonate with me lol. I’ve always considered myself to be boundaried, prioritizing my well-being and peace, understanding that that comes with making difficult decisions. Is there a difference tho??
This horoscope is brought to you by Jazmine Sullivan and KenTheMan. I turned to my cards and Spotify for some deeper insights into toxicity. I’m probably not making a strong case for myself. But as I listened to smooth sounds of my “Bad Bitch” playlist, I noticed something. Wether it’s a good offense or the best defense, many of the behaviors we label “toxic” seem to be attempts at shielding ourselves from hurt.
Is it possible that toxicity is learned, distorted boundaries that have been adopted to prevent harm? Maybe. Unfortunately, we can not avoid hurt, no matter what measures we put in place. It makes sense that we would want to armor ourselves against pain and difficulty. That shit sucks. But in the process of trying to do so, we can create barriers so thick that healthy connection and opportunities for thriving fail to reach us.
Toxic vs. Boundaried
I’m defining toxic behavior as rigid, fear-driven strategy for safety or power that leans on control, manipulation, or self-abandonment. These habits often form in response to past hurt or are learned behaviors. Over time, they block authentic connection by making other people responsible for our unspoken needs.
The points below are not exhaustive; they simply offer key checkpoints for reflection.
1.) Intention
TOXIC:
Driven by the need to win, dominate, or avoid vulnerability
Willful harm or indifference to another’s (emotional) wellbeing
BOUNDARIED:
Acts to protect mutual dignity and safety
Seeks solutions for the well-being of those involved
2.) Navigating Emotion
TOXIC:
Manipulation to get needs and desires met (i.e. silent treatment, love-bombing, guilt, etc.)
Tries to “fix” or change others
Leveraging emotions through reward, punishment and withdrawal to avoid navigating conflict
Controlling behaviors to establish a sense of security
BOUNDARIED:
Expresses emotions directly, speaking feelings and needs plainly
Trusts other’s resilience and offers support
Looks for collaborative ways forward
3.) Accountability
TOXIC:
Deflects or minimizes responsibility
Blames circumstances or someone else’s reaction
Apologizes without altering behavior
BOUNDARIED:
Acknowledgement of harm
Intentional repair
Self-forgiveness and changed behavior for any harm that was caused
4.) Self-Attunement
TOXIC:
Silences personal needs, desires, or values in order to keep the connection at any cost
Ignores inner cues and consistently shrinks to remain acceptable
BOUNDARIED:
Recognizes inner signals and honors them
Sets and maintains clear limits.
Acts in integrity with core values, believing true connection requires full presence
Cosmic Currents
This week’s astrology invites us to embrace vulnerability by peeking over the walls we’ve built to shield ourselves, noticing how they block genuine connection, and reshaping our boundaries so they nurture deeper, authentic bonds with ourselves and others. Challenging relationship dynamics might finally come to a head or we are forced to face the areas of life were we desire more.
At the beginning of the week, Venus in Gemini makes a sextile to Chiron in Aries. While this connection is harmonious, it exposes our vulnerabilities in love, relationships, and self-worth bringing to our attention any ways we have tried to guard ourselves against hurt. If you can sit with the discomfort, there is an opportunity to reconcile past pain and foster deeper intimacy with yourself or another.
On July 30, Venus moves into Cancer, turning our attention toward inner emotional safety. In the security-centered sign of Cancer, how we seek belonging is called into question. Heightened emotional intelligence gives us clearer insight into what we need to nurture so we can stay in right relationship with ourselves and others. Do our actions create space for healthy connections or do they lead to restrictive attachments? We are about to find out!
On the 31st, the Sun and Mercury Rx cojoin in Leo, illuminating any lingering ego stories that make us shrink and perform low maintenance for the sake of proximity. Beneath the Sun’s bright beams, we may realize that our own needs and desires deserve to shine in our relationships, too.
It all comes to a head on August 1st when Venus in Cancer squares Saturn Rx and Neptune Rx in Aries, making us question the security we have in relationships. Things may feel off while our boundaries come under review, prompting us to ask how we stand up for ourselves. Have our self-defense methods become outdated? We might be facing challenges that force us to find new ways to invest in ourselves and our relationships.
So to answer the question… am I toxic or am I just boundaried?!
I can admit that defining “toxic” in a way that excludes myself is itself a bit toxic.
There were many times in the past when my way of relating felt exploitive. There were many times when my capacity to navigate any affronts to my sense of self were unhealthy and harmful. There were many times were I used manipulation to give myself a sense of control. It’s exhausting really… maintaining relationships built like a house of cards.
But toxic and boundaried are not static states. I’ve been both in my lifetime. And all I can is grow forward with what I’ve learned. Now, I strive to cultivate the conditions for fulfilling, authentic connections that can hold all of me. That means learning to be vulnerable as well as clear about my limits.
As we explore what it means to be toxic, the best we can do is open ourselves to the possibility of connection that supports our wholeness. But to do so requires that we soften our hearts and practice the skills that keep us in genuine relationship with one another. That includes boundaries.
Take care y’all…for real.
Astrology for the Week of July 27th-August 02nd
Pull up a transit chart to see where this week’s astrology lands for you. Note the houses each planet falls in and keep an eye on those areas of life. For deeper intuitive support or a personalized reading, book a 1:1 session with me.